morrisons to shop at more reasons

I thought you might like to see a picture of my hair after it has been washed with Morrison’s Value Shampoo, which is peachy pink, similar to that colour city girls paint their cheeks, and costs a truly astonishing 38 pence per litre. I estimate that a bottle will last me for more than two years, since for lengthy periods I have little hair, which means that I will be spending about 15 pence a year on shampoo. Morrison’s Value Shampoo comes with full instructions for use:

‘Apply to wet hair, massage into a lather and rinse thoroughly’.

And storage information:

‘Keep bottle upright’.

And it has a full list of ingredients. It’s amazing what you get for your money with this shampoo:

‘Aqua, Sodium Laureth Sulfate, Sodium Chloride, Cocomidopropyl Betaine, Glycol Stearate, Cocomide Mea, Disodium EDTA, Parfum, Sodium Hydroxide, Citric Acid, Triethylene Glycol, Sodium Benzoate – I hope you’re not just skimming through these names – try saying them out loud, it helps to delay the onset of Alzheimer’s – Benzyl Alcohol, Propylene Glycol, Magnesium Chloride, Magnesium Nitrate, Methylchloroisothiazolinone, Methylisothiazolinone, Hexylene Glycol, Cl 15985, Cl 16035.’

I was particularly impressed by the inclusion of methylchloroisothiazolinone in case the methylisothiazolinone were insufficient by itself. ‘Parfum’ is nice. Everything else is latin but the french still have the right word for perfume.

Anyway. Here’s the photo:

There once was a french woman working at our local Morrison’s, so that when she punctuated her announcements of special offers with the well known slogan, both parts of it sounded the same: Morrison’s to shop at more reasons!

Then I went out and got my hair cut. I usually go down to one of the turkish places. I’m usually the only one in there any hair. They like having their hair cut so much that they go along even when they haven’t got any. The barbers are really clever, they sculpt shadows. They engrave temporary tattoos. There was one guy in the chair, he had a big bull neck, and a little cone of black hair left on top to make his head look pointy, like a space ship in a comic. The barber scraped and shaved and clipped at the back of his neck and the back of his head, and smoothed the skin with cloths and a bit of lotion until as the guy leaned forwards towards the mirror and twisted sideways to see himself, little rolls of fat and muscle moved up and down over his skull. He seemed well pleased.

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1 Response to morrisons to shop at more reasons

  1. Lorin says:

    This is very funny Jonathan. I am really enjoying reading back through your archive. I too, always look around the men waiting in the barbers and think – you look like you’ve all already had your hair cut this morning.

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